Creative Calm Connected: Invisible

After the loss of our babies Hannah and Daniel, I developed depression and anxiety. I tried (and try) my best to beat it, and most days lately I am ok. But this last week or so has been hard. I have been feeling a bit low and lost, like that dark cloud is making its way back. I know the feeling well and am trying to work out why it is back, so that I can work out what to do about it and get back to the sunshine.

And I think it is this. I have been feeling invisible lately. Invisible and unimportant.

When asked “if you could have any superpower what would yours be”, I’ve heard many people reply that they would like to be invisible. But lately, I find myself wondering why? It is a really lonely isolated way to be. I’d much rather x ray vision, or the ability to read people’s thoughts!

The feeling of being invisible comes from many little things adding up to one big feeling that is hard to shake.

It is the child who you’ve missed all day while they are at school barely being able to force himself to say ten words to you when you pick him up.

It is the husband who only ever says “you look nice” when you come back from the hairdresser, despite you trying to look your best every day.

It is the friends who choose other social engagements over yours, despite your invitation coming first, making you feel like they are waiting for a better offer.

It is the family member who knows it is your birthday and doesn’t contact you.

It is when you know your email has been read but never received a reply.

It is when all the work you do all day goes unnoticed – the food you have prepared, the four loads of washing you put away, but it looks like you haven’t because you just got four more in from the line.

It is so many little things like that, that when they are all felt together in a short space of time, add up to a big feeling. A feeling I don’t like very much.

And, after having my therapy session with my sister, I know that all of these things are probably not really about me at all.

The child who wont talk about his day is just tired and needs some downtime before he chats.

The husband does notice you but isn’t a talker, never has been, never will be. He shows his love for you in other ways.

The friends are just busy and trying their best to fit their priorities in.

The email or text has been read, and a reply has probably been drafted in their head or on the phone fifty times already, but like you, that person keeps getting interrupted and it never gets sent (I am so super guilty of doing this, particularly with texts. I am going to try much harder to reply).

So why is it, when I know all that in my head, that I still get that feeling anyway? I listened to a podcast the other day about The Five Love Languages (here’s the link to the podcast). I found it really useful and have downloaded the book to read up on it further.

The idea is that each of us has a natural way that we like to express and receive love. Issues arise when your love language is not spoken. Like if I only speak English, and my husband only speaks German, there would be severe frustrations, misinterpretations and a serious lack of communication. It is the same with love languages.

There are five languages – Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Quality Time and Receiving Gifts. There is a quiz you can take to find out what your love language is – go here.

It was no surprise to me to find out that my love language is words of affirmation. Here is the explanation for this language:

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging and positive words are truly life-giving.

Words have such power for me – positive and negative. I like to hear the words! This is the way I also like to show my love. I notice something and say something nice. I am always praising the children and encouraging with positive words. This is also what I crave. Because I’m not a mind reader I need to hear that I am important, noticed, loved.

So, I’m wondering, what love language are you? Take the quiz and let me know. It might help us to show our love for each other better. It might just help me to understand and not feel so invisible.

Want to join me in a challenge? Have a think about who in your life might be feeling a bit invisible at the moment and make a special effort to let them know you see them.