So you might have noticed that I've been absent from the blog this week. I had such a wonderful week planned, lots of fun things to do, great people to catch up with, but the universe has been trying to teach me a lesson in surrendering this week.
I missed my Mum's birthday on Monday (Happy Birthday Mum!) because I got sick. My wonderful husband took the day off to look after the children so I could rest and recuperate (Thankyou Husband!). I had a busy day on Wednesday, helping in my son's classroom at school and trying to catch up on all the jobs I needed to do, including shopping for my Dad's birthday (which is today - Happy Birthday Dad!). What should have taken me an hour ended up taking most of the day. On Wednesday, the universe was telling me that "connection" was far more important than "getting things done". I ran into so many people and enjoyed chats with them all.
Thursday went pretty much to plan but today, another lesson in surrendering to what is important in the moment. I had planned to drop the kids off at school and daycare (which I did), and then was looking forward to taking my Dad out for a birthday morning tea before I started my shift at work. Just after we had ordered our tea and coffee, my phone rang. It was childcare, wanting me to pick up my daughter who was sick. Poor little poppet was beside herself and needed her Mummy. Normally, it would have been ok, I have lots of support people who could have stepped in to help while I did my little shift at work. But today, the universe was telling me I needed to be with my little girl. My husband had commitments at work, my Dad had his follow up with the radiation people at the hospital, and Mum couldn't leave work because she was the only one in the office. My little girl clearly needed to be with her Mum.
So I picked her up, calmed her down and now we are home where she is resting peacefully. Now that the initial stress of the situation has passed (is she ok? I feel terrible for cancelling on my boss at such short notice etc etc), I am learning that I need to surrender and just accept rather than internally fight with what is going on.
I think this was an important lesson that I had to learn before having our children. Many of you know that the road to having a family was a long and bumpy one for us. I really think that looking back, I was being taught a lesson in patience and surrendering. I am a bit of a control freak, and I think I needed to learn those things before I became responsible for two little humans who rely on me for so much.
Sometimes, it seems I just need a gentle reminder.
I have been sitting here in the quiet while my daughter rests thinking about what I am grateful for today. This exercise always helps to centre and calm me, and often can help elevate my brain from a downward spiral.
Today I am grateful for:
- my children's health. Hopefully our daughter will be back to healthy self again very soon.
- my parents. I promise I will make it up to both of you and sometime soon, we will have an enjoyable relaxing catch up to celebrate your birthdays.
- The calm, flexible, "just roll with it" attitude and example of my Dad.
- My husband, that he was able to look after us all on Monday so capably while I was unwell.
- my daughter's childcare centre. They are so kind, caring and compassionate. They had tried everything they could think of to settle our little princess today. When I arrived to collect her she was snuggled up with her carer. I am so grateful she has a safe place to go when I'm not with her, where they love her and give her what she needs until I can get back to her.
- My car. I am so grateful that I don't have to rely on public transport and can quickly and easily get to where I need to be.
- A boss who forgives. And hopefully recognises that I only cancel on her at the last minute if I absolutely have to. I think it has only happened twice in ten years.
- Our evaporative cooling. It is hot today and I have a comfortable space at home to rest and do my jobs.
- My puppy. Well, she's not a puppy anymore, but she is always waiting at home excited to see me, and gives the best snuggles. She is very sensitive and seems to know when I need some extra attention!
- My five senses. I was going to write my hearing, because as I sit here I am listening to the relaxing song of the birds who live in our neighbourhood. But I am also so grateful for the other senses too.
- The picture of Whitehaven beach that hangs above our desk at home. We have made many happy memories in that part of the world, and seeing the crystal blue water and white sand takes me back to happy, calm days.
Ahhh, that's better.
I also thought I should update you on NaNoWriMo. Sadly, this week, there has been no writing happening! At all! While I was in bed on Monday unwell, I came to realise that while I am enjoying the writing of the novel, I am not enjoying the pressure I feel I am putting on myself at this time of year to get it done. Last year in the lead up to Christmas I didnt cope very well. We were super busy, and I put a whole load of pressure on myself to give the kids an epic Christmas. I think this stems from me having grown up loving Christmas and all that we did to celebrate it, and wanting to make it the same for our children. But, in doing that, I find I am almost sending myself crazy. I vowed this year would be different. But adding the challenge of writing 1600 words a day into an already busy month, I could feel my anxiety kicking in.
So, the good news is that I have started writing my novel. In other good news, I am listening to the whispers in my body and shelving the novel writing until next year. I am not going to add any additional pressure to my load right now, because I want to enjoy both the lead up to Christmas and writing the novel. I am confident that I can and will do it, but I need a bit more space to be able to do it around my life. Here I am, surrendering to what is happening rather than what I want to be happening!
I feel good about the decision. I have been inspired by all of your lovely comments and encouragement, and writing the novel is one of the first things that will go on my list of things to do in 2017.
So that's me for this week. I am hopeful that next week I will get back to the natural rhythm of my life, but I know you will understand if I don't and remain MIA a bit longer.
In the meantime, I would love to hear about what you are grateful for today. Comment below or on the Creative Calm Connected Facebook page.
Until next time,
E xx
Labels: Children, gratitude, NaNoWriMo, Parents, Surrender
